Hello Friends - it's me again, following an extended stay away from your computer screens. Once again, I've received various emails questioning my absence and encouraging me to post a progress report.

There are a couple of reasons why I haven't reported anything for several weeks: the first is that in my zombie-like state, I simply haven't had the energy; and the second is that I've had so little to report. A daily update along the lines of "feeling lousy; even worse than yesterday" is enough to have you all running for the hills, and seeking a less depressing web site.

Well, as evidenced by the very fact that I'm sitting here composing a blog, I think I must be gradually getting better. Forgive me if I seem a little uncertain, but there are bad days and, well, worse days.

The last 2-3 weeks of treatment were the worst I can ever remember feeling, and there was no improvement in the first week post-treatment. Then about a week ago, I started feeling a little bit brighter, so we assumed that it would be a simple matter of steady progress, but no such luck, I'm afraid. If I have got any better over the last seven days, the recovery has been so limited as to be unnoticeable. They say that it can be three weeks after the end of treatment before you start feeling better, so surely things must start looking up soon.

It's very difficult to describe the symptoms of the treatment: maybe just a general malaise, but the worst you've ever experienced. It's one of those feelings that you can only understand if you've lived through it. My good friend Alex, who has experienced it, describes it as "the horrors", which is just about spot on.

As ever, Catherine has been fantastic: patient and caring, I don't know what I would do without her. She's been gently bullying me to do my swallowing exercises, and has resisted the temptation to shout at me when I've childishly refused. She keeps a resolutely cheerful view on things, which is just as well, as more thsn one person in the house with my black mood would make things even more unbearable.

Sorry to be downbeat again. I hope to be back soon, with a more positive message.

Keep smiling.

Rx

Still here

Just a quick one - Rick had his last chemotherapy session last Wednesday (13th Oct) and the last radiotherapy on Friday (15th Oct). Although we haven't got the daily trek to St Bart's, Rick is feeling pretty rough - anti-sickness drugs are not quite as successful as last time and the whole mucus/gloopy saliva situation isn't helping matters. All this is to be expected, the doctors did say he will be feeling probably the worst he has felt so far for the next 2-3 weeks (they are not wrong there) and then things should gradually start to pick up.
So bear with us, hopefully it won't be too long before you get a much more entertaining blog!
Catherine x

From The Bottom Of My Heart

Hi All

Just a short post this time, to let you know that I'm still here, and muddling through.

My previous blog was pretty downhearted, as I was going through some pretty tough times with the treatment. Well, it continues to be a struggle, and I'm not saying that the last week has been easy, but I've got through it, and I've only got two weeks more radiotherapy and one session of chemo left. I knew it was going to be hard, but I'm going to get through this.

The main reason I wanted to update the blog, though, was to say thanks. Whenever I've confessed to feeling down, you - my friends - have gathered round and offered heartfelt words of support, and these have kept me going. The last blog provoked a number of responses, either directly as comments on the blog site, or through texts and emails sent separately. Some made me weep - I'm a bit of a crybaby at the moment - others made me laugh, but they all gave me strength. So thanks.

Here are 10 songs of thanks.

1. Thank You For Being A Friend - Andrew Gold
2. I'll Always Be Grateful - A House
3. I Thank You - Sam & Dave
4. I'm So Thankful - The Ikettes
5. Thank You Baby For Loving Me - Soul Brothers Six
6. Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself Again - Maceo & The King's Men
7. Be Thankful For What You've Got - William DeVaughan
8. Thank You Girl - John Hiatt
9. Thank You For The Dream - Lamont Dozier
10. Thanks For The Joy - Ruthie Foster


RP