What a difference a day makes

Saturday 31st July 2.20pm

Yesterday was one of those days when I woke up feeling rotten, for no apparent reason. I hadn't slept particularly well, but that didn't fully explain the reason for my malaise. I felt vaguely feverish, oscillating between profuse sweating and cold shivers, although my body temperature was consistent and healthy. My regular morning text to Catherine said: "Feel like s**t. Tired, sick and depressed", in a shameless attempt to make her feel equally bad.

I sulked gracelessly throughout most of the day, reverting to scribbled notes for communication, as speaking through the tracheostomy all seemed far too much effort. When Catherine came as usual to visit from 2pm - 8pm, I remained in my bed and slept for most of the afternoon.

At some point during the day I got the news that I've picked up MRSA, allowing me to feel even more sorry for myself, but at least this had the consolation that I was moved to a room of my own.

For her part, Catherine remained resolutely upbeat, and humoured my foul mood, to the point where she almost had me back in the land of the living by the time she left. She really has gone beyond the call of duty in this for-better-for-worse stuff.

Put it down to six weeks away from home with frustratingly slow recovery and uncertainty about the future, but there really was little excuse for the way I behaved yesterday.

Then today, equally inexplicably, I awoke feeling bright and breezy, almost euphoric, and ready to face the day. Gone was the boorish oaf of yesterday, replaced by the charming, smiley, happy man you know and love so well.

And my reward for this change in outlook was the long-awaited removal of my tracheostomy. With a minimum of fuss, Phil the Nurse gently removed said encumbrance, and guess what? I didn't choke, or turn blue from lack of oxygen. Like a brave soldier, I just kept on breathing, and four hours later I'm still breathing, so I guess that I might survive this particular exercise.

Removal of the trachy was something I'd been looking forward to with a certain amount of trepidation, but in the event it was a bit of an anti-climax - in a good way. Now that it's done, it brings my departure date forward, and - MRSA permitting - allows me to leave the ward unaccompanied. Now if we can just fix this hole in my neck so I can pass the "swallow test", I'll be on my way home.

The only other thing of significance to tell you about is that progress is being made in respect of my chemo/radiotherapy. I've had some radioactive fluid pumped into my veins, and blood tests to check that my kidneys will be able to cope with the treatment. I don't know what happens if the result of the tests is negative, so let's not go there and spoil my mood.

With what I hope is my imminent departure from hospital looming, today's songs are about leaving:-

1 Time to say goodbye - Bettye Swann
2 Go now - Bessie Banks
3 When you leave - Louden Wainwright III
4 Homeward bound - Simon and Garfunkel
5 Come home - James
6 This is me leaving you - Mary Chapin Carpenter
7 Get out of this house - Shawn Colvin
8 Don't leave - Faithless
9 I don't want to go home - Southside Johny and The Asbury Jukes
10 Gone - John Hiatt

Deep Breaths.
RP