Getting Better

Greetings, comrades.

As you'll have gathered from the title of this piece, it really does feel like I'm getting better, day by day. That's not to say that everything in the garden is rosy, but I don't feel constantly nauseous, I'm beginning to get some energy back, and even the horrible, horrible saliva secretions aren't quite the problem that they were.

I still have profound deformities in the chest and neck area, which others assure me are less noticeable than they were, but I'm not so sure. For those of you who have made disparaging comments about my torso in the past: believe me, now that my pectoralis major resides in my neck and cheek, it looks positively massive! The area it has vacated looks more puny than ever, although decorated with a highly impressive scar.

My speech impediment is as bad as ever, and speaking more than a few words is a pretty unpleasant experience. For all that the bad stuff going on inside my mouth is not as bad as it was, I can't go anywhere without a box of tissues, and I've got to learn how to swallow all over again.

Still, it's progress of a sort, and my spirit has improved accordingly: you may have gathered that I've gone through some fairly black moods. Ours is now a house of optimism, although we know that there's a lot of work to do before I'm back to normal. This has been reinforced by reassurances from the medical profession. We visited the Ear Nose & Throat clinic yesterday, and they all professed themselves delighted with my progress, particularly as I was so run down last time they saw me. I'm told that my outrageous neck muscle will atrophy in time, and the speech will significantly improve, although I may never completely recover my former dulcet tones.

The biggest challenge, though, is going to be learning to eat and drink again. Although I had been able to sip fluids, and even managed to eat custard and soup before I went through the radiotherapy, I'm afraid that I'm back at square one. Nancy, my favourite Speech & Language Therapist, is patiently taking me through all this, and has promised to have me drinking Champagne by Christmas, even if Christmas lunch itself may need to be liquidised.

From my position, this is the single most important issue in my long term recovery. As you probably know, a big part of my social life revolves around the dinner table, and it's no secret that I like a glass of wine. The thought of being fed by tube for the rest of my life is not something I want to really contemplate. I'm determined to restore my ability to eat and drink, but it will take a long time and a lot of work.

In spite of all this, I'm hoping to start a phased return to work next month, provided that my progress continues. I suspect that I might start getting a bit stir crazy if I don't get back soon, although I am receiving advice from various quarters not to do too much too soon. I think after six months returning to work might be a bit daunting, particularly given current financial challenges in the public sector, but it's got to be done.

In the meantime, it's onwards and upwards, and here are 10 upward & onward songs.

1. Move On Up - Curtis Mayfield
2. Higher & Higher - Jackie Wilson
3. Up Up And Away - The Fifth Dimension
4. Flyin' High (In The Friendly Sky) - Marvin Gaye
5. Higher Than The Sun - Primal Scream
6. Up With People - Lambchop
7. I Want To Take You Higher - Sly & The Family Stone
8. Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross
9. Because I Got High - Afro Man
10. No Matter How High I Get - Wilton Felder & Bobby Womack

(Yes, I know I could have included Up Where We Belong and The Only Way Is Up, but I don't like them.)

Learning to smile again!

RP