Frustration

I've known all sorts of frustration: dashes to my personal aims; obstacles to professional aspirations, and of course, frustration of a sexual nature. I can, however, say with some confidence that I have never experienced the frustration which accompanies the return of cancer.

Just when it was all going so well; I can't pretend this has been easy to take.

I know that Catherine has been keeping my public informed, but the simple fact is, it's hit me in the lung, liver and spleen. Yes, dear friends, I'm afraid it's back to square one, or even worse. A couple of months ago, I was feeling great, getting a buzz out of life, and felt on a general upward trajectory. Today, I'm a 7-stone weakling, increasingly dependent on others, with rapidly reducing self-respect and dignity.

Family and friends have gathered around magnificently, and we have a treatment plan, so my feeble fingers are crossed in hope - expectation - of a recovery, of sorts.

So, how do I feel through all this - mentally, rather than physically? A well-meaning Palliative Care nurse asked in a very solemn manner, doe-eyes turned to max, "are you still feeling angry?". My grouchy response was I had never felt angry about it, and it is only damn-fool questions like that which anger me.

No, my overwhelming emotion is frustration, with a side-helping of sadness. Still, I'll just have to get to grips with it; move on, and deal with it as best I can.

Here are 3 songs about anger, frustration and sadness.

1 I'm not angry - Elvis Costello
2 Tears of Rage - The Band
3 Frustrated, Bagshot - The Members

RP

(Rick hadn't finished going through the song list but I thought I would get this published anyway - any more ideas for songs, please feel free to suggest any - Catherine)