Note to self: in the final blog before going for the operation, try to remain upbeat and don't show how depressed you're feeling. Your readers don't need to know the true extent of your pain and misery. Snap out of it - after all, football's only a game!
Have I told you that I'm going away for a while? So this will be my final blog for a few weeks, with Catherine taking over full editorial control, ably assisted in selecting song titles by Emma and Lucy.
I've had the convict haircut, I've packed my PJs, and come Monday morning I'll be ready. I'm intending to spend the final 48 hours in the bosom of my family enjoying good company, good food and good wine; I may have a tube in my stomach, but I'm still eating and drinking normally. Tonight I'll cook my final pre-op meal (Rosa di Parma, washed down with a bottle of Brunello di Montalcino, since you ask). Tomorrow, we'll go out for lunch before Catherine and the girls deliver me into the care of St Bartholomew's Hospital, where the NHS' finest will set about me. I'll be demanding maximum anaesthetic and pain reliever, and will meet my fate with complete cowardice.
Yesterday, Catherine and I dropped into Whipps Cross Hospital to see our new friend Cheryl the nutritionist. She wanted to check my stomach tube, which was all OK, but Catherine looked on in horror as Cheryl extracted gastric juices to test the PH, and then syringed water into my tummy. We were given a spare tube, and told that, should the current one become detached, we have a two-hour window in which to replace it. Catherine made it clear that this particular duty goes well beyond her current job description of wife and carer.
Cheryl also talked to us about the feeding process itself. It seems that you don't simply inject a quantity of gunge into your gut, but that the feed is mechanically pumped into the stomach - which can take up to 10 hours a day!
Some people have talked about coming to see me while I'm in hospital, but I hope you won't be offended if I impose a No Visitors clause. I'm going to spend 24 hours in Intensive Care post-op, and will probably be barely conscious for two days after that (so England could be out of the World Cup by the time I come around). I will also be unable to speak for up to a week, and generally feeling wretched.
The hospital rules stipulate a maximum of 3 visitors, so that's Catherine and the girls or other close family only. I don't want to seem churlish, but Susie's joke suggestion (at least I think it was a joke!) of a group visit to coincide with an England World Cup match, complete with vuvuzelas and cans of strong white cider, fills me with dread, and would probably lead to my premature eviction from the hospital. If you were looking forward to seeing me in my post-op misery, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm sure you'll understand. Catherine will notify you should the position change.
I've been pleased that some readers have gone interactive, responding with various comments to my posts. As I'm leaving you for a while, I've decided to set you some homework. The "Ten Songs About ..." feature at the end of every blog seems to have captured the imagination, so I'm going to ask all you blogtrotters to suggest songs about anaesthetics - which should be easy - and about intravenous feeding - which could be a little more challenging: maybe Pump It Up by Elvis Costello?
Anyway, let me thank all of you for your messages of support and sympathy. I'm sure that I'm going to need your continued encouragement as I recover and endure radiotherapy over the next few months, so let me dedicate to you ten songs about friendship.
1. You've Got A Friend - Carol King
2. A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
3. Why Can't We Be Friends - War
4. My Dear Companion - Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt & Emmylou Harris
5. We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful - Morrisey
6. Your Best Friend - Doris Duke
7. Touch A Hand Make A Friend - The Staple Singers
8. Passionate Friend - The Teardrop Explodes
9. Old Friends - Simon & Garfunkel
10. You Got A Friend In Me - Randy Newman
I'll be back!
RP
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Hi Rick,
ReplyDeleteMargo & Richard here. We wanted to wish you the best in your upcoming operation. We've been following your blog and decided that you should become a writer. We always knew you were very bright, but never realized you were so gifted with the pen (sorry, keyboard). Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You mean the world to us and we are sure you and Catherine will battle through this challenge. Sending you love and hugs from your family in the States.
M&R
Good luck and our thoughts are with you all. The blog is truly inspired and maybe you missed your vocation as a writer.
ReplyDeleteSteve and Ann
PS we will put our minds to the song titles
Hi Richard,
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the operation. I look forward to catching up with you soon.
A couple of song titles for your list.
More than a feeling - Boston.
Dazed and Confused - Led Zep
The air that I breathe - The Hollies
Breathe - Pink Floyd
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
Take care
Andy
Songs with something of an anaesthetic theme: It would have been quite easy to pack the list with references to 'high' but a)you probably won't be feeling high and b)that's too easy.
ReplyDelete1. Joy & Pain - Maze
2. Needle In A Haystack - The Velvelettes
3. Natural High - Bloodstone
4. Float On - The Floaters
5.Stoned Out Of My Mind - Chi-lites
6. Turn Off The Lights - Teddy Pendergrass
7. Knocks Me Off My Feet - Stevie Wonder
8. Feel That you're Feeling - Maze
9. Shake Me, Wake Me (When It's Over) - Four Tops.
I confess the subject of intravenous feeding has got me beaten...
I guess it's time to say 'Take Good Care Of Yourself' (Three Degrees) and hope you'll soon be saying 'I'm Doing Fine Now' (New York City).
Looking forward to seeing you up and about soon - Good Luck, we'll be thinking of you. Just lay back and think of England... hmmm, maybe not, it's the stuff of nightmares.
Barney & Hackney
OK - I thought I would rise to the challenge of songs and intravenous feeding.
ReplyDeleteThis proved a great deal more difficult that I had first imagined. As you will see, I only managed to get any sort of list by being a little 'loose' with the associations. I also had to use Rick's initial suggestion of Elvis Costello, and as it was probably the best I put it at number 1. So without further apologies:-
1. Pump it up - Elvis Costello
2. Up Around the Bend - Creedance Clearwater Revival
3. Right down the Line - Gerry Rafferty
4. Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash test Dummies
5. Don't Stop til you get Enough - Michael Jackson
6. A little bit more - Dr.Hook
7. More, More, More - Andrea True Connection
8. So Into You - Atlanta Rhythm Section
9. Down at the Tube station at Midnight - The Jam (OK, that ones a little tenuous)
10. Constant Craving - KD Lang
I have compiled the following selection of tracks for the intravenous selection. Sorry Richard you may not appreciate my "taste"
ReplyDelete1. Substitute - The Who
2. Can't keep it in - Cat Stevens
3. Suppers ready - Genesis
4. Blood Sugar - Pendulum
5. Needle and the spoon - Lynyrd Skynyrd
6. Can't get enough - Bad Company
7. I know what I like - Genesis
8. You can't always get what you want - Rolling Stones
9. Needle and the damage done - Neil Young
10. Any track by Feeder
After raiding the CD collection I googled to see if there was anything more obvious and found:
Intravenous Agnostic - Manic Street Preachers. (I had never heard of this track but it fits the bill).
All the best.
Andy